The Silent Saboteur: When Your ‘Strength’ is Really Self-Abandonment in Disguise

Jun 06, 2025

A split image showing a woman in two states — one side in a corporate setting appearing strong but emotionally disconnected, the other side journaling peacefully in soft natural light. The graphic highlights the difference between self-abandonment and soul alignment, with vibrant magenta branding and the title 'The Silent Saboteur: When Your Strength is Really Self-Abandonment in Disguise'

The Silent Saboteur: When 'Strength' is Really Self-Abandonment in Disguise
By Katie Joy, The Global Butterfly

✨ A Wake-Up Call You Didn’t Know You Needed

There was a time in my life when, from the outside, it looked like I had it all together.

I was the strong one. The capable one. The one everyone relied on.

But inside? I was collapsing. Quietly. Invisibly.

Despite checking all the boxes — a successful career, building a property investment portfolio, setting up my life to start a family financially free, doing all the “right things” — I felt like I was disappearing. I’d lost my joy, my clarity, and most painfully… my sense of self.

At the time, I didn’t realise what was really happening. I thought I was just tired. Maybe overcommitted. Maybe not meditating enough. I had no idea that what I was experiencing wasn’t failure — it was an initiation.

The truth is, I wasn’t lazy or broken or not trying hard enough.

I was self-abandoning.

And I see it now in so many of my clients — high-achievers, healers, parents, soul-led entrepreneurs — who are waking up to the realisation that their exhaustion, burnout, and inner confusion aren’t just personal flaws…

They’re symptoms of a deep and unspoken energetic pattern.

💔 Part 1: What Is Self-Abandonment, Really?

Self-abandonment isn’t just neglecting your needs or forgetting your dreams. It’s a frequency — a subtle but powerful energetic disconnection from your own truth, boundaries, and being.

It often starts in childhood, especially for those of us who were taught (explicitly or not) that love was conditional. We became experts in reading the room, anticipating needs, avoiding conflict, and striving for approval — even at the cost of our own identity.

In adulthood, it often shows up as hyper-independence, over-responsibility, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. It feels like strength. Like being productive. Like being spiritual.

But it’s not alignment. It’s fragmentation.

It’s the quiet voice that says:

“Don’t rock the boat.”
“Just be grateful.”
“Push through. You’ll be fine.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“There’s no time for your needs.”

And the more we disconnect from ourselves to belong, to succeed, or to serve others… the more we leak our energy. We begin to live outside of ourselves. Performing. Hustling. Surviving.

But never quite thriving.

😓 Part 2: The 3 Faces of ‘Strength’ That Are Actually Self-Abandonment

Here’s the catch: self-abandonment doesn’t always look like collapse. Sometimes, it masquerades as our most praised traits — especially in high-achieving, heart-led people.

1. Over-functioning & Over-achieving

This one hits close to home.

For years, I believed that if I just worked harder, served more, fixed things for everyone else, then I’d feel fulfilled. Then I’d be enough.

But all that striving was a distraction from the deeper truth — I didn’t feel safe being with myself.

Over-functioning often comes from trauma. It’s a nervous system stuck in hypervigilance. It’s a belief that your worth is earned through doing.

And the tragedy? The more we achieve from that place, the more disconnected we feel.

2. People-Pleasing Disguised as Kindness

Empaths often confuse this with compassion — and I see this so often with my clients inside The Awakened Soul Program.

They give and give and give… until they’re drained, resentful, and quietly collapsing.

But when your “kindness” is rooted in fear of rejection or discomfort with someone else’s disappointment, it’s not actually kind. It’s a silent form of self-abandonment.

True kindness includes you in the equation.

3. The ‘Spiritual’ Escape

This one’s controversial — but important.

In the spiritual world, we’re taught to stay in high vibes, forgive quickly, think positively, and “just trust the Universe.”

But if that becomes a bypass — a way to avoid truth-telling, boundary-setting, or facing your own pain — then it’s not spiritual. It’s self-abandonment in sacred disguise.

Avoiding conflict to stay in love and light may feel easier in the moment. But it disconnects you from your authentic power.

Alignment requires honesty — even when it’s messy.

💣 Part 3: The Hidden Cost of Staying in This Pattern

Here’s what I know as a woman who’s walked this path, as a mother who’s raising a conscious young son, and as a mentor guiding others to reclaim their wholeness:

Self-abandonment steals your life force.

It clouds your clarity.

It fractures your confidence.

It holds your abundance hostage — because your energy isn’t anchored within you, it’s scattered in all the places you’re trying to be ‘enough.’

And the worst part?

You can’t manifest soul-aligned success from a frequency of self-rejection.

I’ve watched clients shift lifetimes of patterns — not by working harder or becoming more spiritual — but by coming home to themselves.
By remembering their worth. Reclaiming their voice. Aligning with their soul.

That’s where true power lives.

🌱 Part 4: Reclaiming Your Energy, Worth, and Soul Alignment

So where do we begin?

We don’t start by fixing. We start by remembering.

By gently calling our energy home.

Here are a few first steps I guide my clients through — and you can begin too:

✍🏼 1. Self-Inquiry with Compassion

Ask yourself honestly:

Where am I saying yes when I mean no?
What parts of myself have I silenced to keep the peace?
If I trusted I was safe to be fully seen, what would I say or do differently?

Let your answers flow through journalling. My GGA Journalling Method (Gratitude, Gains, Appreciation) is a powerful daily recalibration to reconnect with yourself.

🧘🏻‍♀️ 2. Nervous System Safety

Self-abandonment lives in the body, not just the mind. Creating safety through breathwork, grounding practices, and conscious rest helps shift your frequency from survival to sovereignty.

Start small. One breath. One pause. One moment of permission.

💫 3. Energetic Recalibration

This isn’t about doing more — it’s about shifting how you be.

Inside my deeper work (like The Awakened Soul Program), I use advanced energetic tools, NLP, and transformational coaching to clear the unconscious patterns that keep you stuck.

But even now, you can begin by noticing: